Rock Hard
Apologies for my lax blogging, however, the only opportunity I have is at work and I have been working like an Australian batsman here.
Two weeks a go I utilised a birthday present which was a Rock climbing and Abseiling day out. My friends kindly arranged it knowing that I was going to Australia and knowing the kind of outdoorsy hardcore athlete I am.
So I wouldn't feel alone on my day out they also got a voucher for Belinda. Little did they or I know that she hates heights. There are people who say that they hate heights and there are people who actually do hate heights. I was yet to see which one Belinda was. It soon became apparent though that she was the latter. Subtle things gave it away, like her refusing to eat the evening before and the following morning I couldn't get an word out of her, suffice to say it was bliss. As I am not the most sympathetic of people she was looking to the wrong person for comforting words.
It was lovely weather, with the sun shining and bush fires at their weakest. We had to wait for our guide in town and there we met the rest of our group, half of them wanted to climb and the other half had been dragged there by their respective partners. Then Tom our guide arrived. Tom was the most knowledgeable climbing instructor in the world, he entertained us with stories related to climbing, semi related to climbing and completely unrelated to climbing.
When we got to our destination we made our way from the van, which by now had turned into an oven, and headed for the rock face. For some reason I had expect the ropes and things to already be in place, sort of like a yuppies lunchtime climbing club, however, in order to climb we would first have to walk to the top and set up the ropes. This proved harder than originally thought, if it were in Wales then I should imagine it would be a brisk walk to the top, however the temperature made it feel more like a trek through a desert. Once we go up, the first task was to set up ropes in order to abseil down them. As tom said that the British invented rock climbing I decided to take it upon myself to volunteer to go down first. Also, this gave me enough time to get back up to the top and watch Belinda deficate herself while going down. Unfortunatley this did not happen!
Abseiling was great fun, but it really kills your hands and hips, not helped when you are getting more 'solid' by the day. The Harness we used had no padding at all and reminded me of a pair of old underpants that had perished. After tackling the backwards abseiling we then went to a much bigger rock face and did front facing, which was excellent appart from the harness almost cutting into my bladder.
We then stopped for lunch. Lunch was a massive spread of salad, dips, flavoured tofu kebabs and the piste del resistance, hot dogs. I am not sure how but I was collared into boiling those babies up on a gas stove located in the back of Tom's van. This was parked some 20 metres away from the picnic table where all the others had converged. I must say they did look like they we enjoying themselves, what with great conversation and the beautiful fresh salad and tofu kebabs it looked like a little peace of Nirvana. Any way, it took me 15 minutes of standing on my own over this bloody stove to realise that the sodding gas wasn't even lit. I had in actual fact been maning a pot luke warm water, while the gas from the stove had been slowly entering my blood stream. The problem lay in the fact that the weather was so damn hot that I could a) see the flame AND b) feel any heat coming from the stove as it was so bloody hot all around me. In fact the only thing that had been cooking was my neck. With this new piece of information I called Tom over with the lighter and 10 minutes later I was able to have my lunch. The salad was not as fresh as it once was and the tofu kababs had been all but eaten during the many anacdotes I had missed, but at least I had my Hot dog. Well I actually only had half as the flies looked far more determined to eat it than I was to fight them off.
After lunch we did the climbing. We each did 2 climbs and both were quite difficult, especially with a pair of trainers. The pumps in question wouldn't have been out of place on a west coast rapper driving through Compton in his hydrolic suspension fitted Caddy (see STILL D.R.E). I could now understand how Belinda felt, as there is a definite sense of vulnerability. I wasn't so much scared of falling off, but dragging my face along the rocks until I got to the bottom. What made it more frightening was the fact that in my attempt to save 20 pounds or so I had only opted for the more basic insurance. A policy that entitles me to a plaster only on the provisor I cut myself in a governement building. In Australia you even need ambulance cover, something I discovered en route to the climbing as 2 of our party worked in health insurance. They were boasting about helicopters picking them up if anything went wrong as I sat there quietly contemplating my plan B (walking)
Any way as the day came to an end Tom took us to proper local pub in the middle of nowhere, where true Aussie men drank from deinty 'pots' of lager. No sooner have you walked to your seat with a 'pot' then you need to get up and go and get another one.
All in all it was a great day.
And how did Belinda do? Well she said that she would never ever do anything like that again- so I think she liked it. A birthday present maybe!
Two weeks a go I utilised a birthday present which was a Rock climbing and Abseiling day out. My friends kindly arranged it knowing that I was going to Australia and knowing the kind of outdoorsy hardcore athlete I am.
So I wouldn't feel alone on my day out they also got a voucher for Belinda. Little did they or I know that she hates heights. There are people who say that they hate heights and there are people who actually do hate heights. I was yet to see which one Belinda was. It soon became apparent though that she was the latter. Subtle things gave it away, like her refusing to eat the evening before and the following morning I couldn't get an word out of her, suffice to say it was bliss. As I am not the most sympathetic of people she was looking to the wrong person for comforting words.
It was lovely weather, with the sun shining and bush fires at their weakest. We had to wait for our guide in town and there we met the rest of our group, half of them wanted to climb and the other half had been dragged there by their respective partners. Then Tom our guide arrived. Tom was the most knowledgeable climbing instructor in the world, he entertained us with stories related to climbing, semi related to climbing and completely unrelated to climbing.
When we got to our destination we made our way from the van, which by now had turned into an oven, and headed for the rock face. For some reason I had expect the ropes and things to already be in place, sort of like a yuppies lunchtime climbing club, however, in order to climb we would first have to walk to the top and set up the ropes. This proved harder than originally thought, if it were in Wales then I should imagine it would be a brisk walk to the top, however the temperature made it feel more like a trek through a desert. Once we go up, the first task was to set up ropes in order to abseil down them. As tom said that the British invented rock climbing I decided to take it upon myself to volunteer to go down first. Also, this gave me enough time to get back up to the top and watch Belinda deficate herself while going down. Unfortunatley this did not happen!
Abseiling was great fun, but it really kills your hands and hips, not helped when you are getting more 'solid' by the day. The Harness we used had no padding at all and reminded me of a pair of old underpants that had perished. After tackling the backwards abseiling we then went to a much bigger rock face and did front facing, which was excellent appart from the harness almost cutting into my bladder.
We then stopped for lunch. Lunch was a massive spread of salad, dips, flavoured tofu kebabs and the piste del resistance, hot dogs. I am not sure how but I was collared into boiling those babies up on a gas stove located in the back of Tom's van. This was parked some 20 metres away from the picnic table where all the others had converged. I must say they did look like they we enjoying themselves, what with great conversation and the beautiful fresh salad and tofu kebabs it looked like a little peace of Nirvana. Any way, it took me 15 minutes of standing on my own over this bloody stove to realise that the sodding gas wasn't even lit. I had in actual fact been maning a pot luke warm water, while the gas from the stove had been slowly entering my blood stream. The problem lay in the fact that the weather was so damn hot that I could a) see the flame AND b) feel any heat coming from the stove as it was so bloody hot all around me. In fact the only thing that had been cooking was my neck. With this new piece of information I called Tom over with the lighter and 10 minutes later I was able to have my lunch. The salad was not as fresh as it once was and the tofu kababs had been all but eaten during the many anacdotes I had missed, but at least I had my Hot dog. Well I actually only had half as the flies looked far more determined to eat it than I was to fight them off.
After lunch we did the climbing. We each did 2 climbs and both were quite difficult, especially with a pair of trainers. The pumps in question wouldn't have been out of place on a west coast rapper driving through Compton in his hydrolic suspension fitted Caddy (see STILL D.R.E). I could now understand how Belinda felt, as there is a definite sense of vulnerability. I wasn't so much scared of falling off, but dragging my face along the rocks until I got to the bottom. What made it more frightening was the fact that in my attempt to save 20 pounds or so I had only opted for the more basic insurance. A policy that entitles me to a plaster only on the provisor I cut myself in a governement building. In Australia you even need ambulance cover, something I discovered en route to the climbing as 2 of our party worked in health insurance. They were boasting about helicopters picking them up if anything went wrong as I sat there quietly contemplating my plan B (walking)
Any way as the day came to an end Tom took us to proper local pub in the middle of nowhere, where true Aussie men drank from deinty 'pots' of lager. No sooner have you walked to your seat with a 'pot' then you need to get up and go and get another one.
All in all it was a great day.
And how did Belinda do? Well she said that she would never ever do anything like that again- so I think she liked it. A birthday present maybe!
posted by Koole Guy at 1:55 pm
1 Comments:
I think you should think about taking up writing as a career. Very entertaining. Although, I'm pretty sure you should have made more effort in cooking those hot dogs. Those briney bastards are worth it.
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